Pillar of Fire

*Pillar of Fire*

I took time to show you my scars
Naively believing you’d love me despite them.
Then you took time
and made your own...

But even with you I suffered
A lack of wholeness-
A fragmentation -

And I’m so much better without you.
It’s become a matter of survival.
The weight is lighter, I can breathe..
And I’m no longer afraid.

Your feet hurried to deceive
And sorrow was born in our haste-full hearts
My eyes held the things I wanted to see.
My eyes held lies for too long.

I was led through the dark with a pillar of fire
And I’m so much better without...

You were brutish with your knowledge -
Which left me confounded with your colors of fiction,
But they dulled & drowned in your deception,
And there is no breath left in them.

You were just a temporary muse -
An excuse to write a pretty poem.
But all the fires dead and tired,
And it seems your inspiration
Has turned to prostration.

And I try, but your presence leaves me ill
When you were the one worth leaving
& the god you think you’ve found
Is still your sorry self.

And I try to see your pain,
But it wont ever be enough
To watch the years fall
And send my well wishes...

...or hate you at all

but, still, I can't forgive myself

...or forget.

When all the while I carry a ten pound smile.
Lay and wonder why things end.
Wonder if things are ever the same
When you already know the ending...
How the end always is..
And we know things must end
And the end is...